Thank God you are leaving is a goodbye letter of sorts. Instead of expressing sadness over lost companionship, it speaks about friendship as a burden, that has been finally – thank god – shed. This two page letter was originally written for a dear friend who left the continent (and typed up with the typewriter she left behind), but could be for anybody with a dark sense of humor who like their goodbyes somewhat spicy.
Thank God you are leaving….We are sick of you. We truly are. Of you and your ways. We have been sick of you for years. Your manners. Your outdated opinions. The way you chew your food. Sick of it. We are so happy you are leaving us. Finally. We have been thanking God on our knees ever since the news broke. Thank you God, we said, for answering our prayers. Thank you, for finally lifting us of this Godless burden that has been cast upon us……This might come to you as a surprise. You thought we were your friend. Your soul-mate you could trust. Upon which you could confer your secrets. Oh how we listened to your moans, your worries, your sorrows. Endless evenings, we listened to your tears, your fire, your laughter and your opinions. It made us sick. It was nauseating. Every time we left your presence it was as if we stepped outside the circles of hell…..